(:
Friday, January 14, 2011
haha. dunno hw to title this blog post. so decided to jus put a smiley(: haha.
yep. time to read letter! haha. it's like a routine! i mus jus do it! haha. i can read it tmr morn where i would haf calmed down alot more. haha. or like jus sit on bed. read. n den jus slp. bt cannot! jus wanna come here n blog. haha. yep..
hmm. tho now in a v calm situation. haha. coz still eating my burger. whatsapp-ing kaka lim. n commenting on fb statuses tgt w fann! hahaha. bt.. i will go read e card! hehe.
hahaha. so lousy! read 3 lines only - haven't even go to e main point. e tears jus drop down.. haha. somehow it's really interesting. 4 of u guys left. all different emotions.. ancestor's one. haha.
lol. ya. where shld i start frm? hmm. actually becoz i m so in touch w u guys - kaka, norine n karen.. actually to me.. ancestor leaving isn't such a big thing. as in nt tt it's nt impt! hahaha. aiyo. read on. hahaha. bt it's like it isn't like life-and-death separation kind.. n i noe things wun change. really.
of coz it matters. no more meet-ups w ancestor on a weekly basis! i m really proud of this k! it's e effort tt we both make to meet up n e comfort in knowin tt we both wanna meet up! n of coz i noe it's coz we r both free. bt honestly. nt many ppl bother to meet up even wen they r free. yep!
bt i really aren't like depressed. coz i noe i will msg ancestor on an even more regular basis! coz whatsapp messagin is free. in singapore still mus save sms-es. n i noe we will skype v often. jus like why we bother to meet up.. coz we bother!(:
yep. n ancestor didn't talk to me much at e airport jus nw! bt i understand.. tt's coz there were many grps of frens.. n ppl all stand separately.. it's like i tink she didn't manage to like stay w any grp for long also. n of coz a little disappointed.. coz we were supposed to haf our 三小时之约! in e end nv even talk to her!:( bt family always comes first!(: haha. tt's my personal belief too! so totally understand!
yep yep. bt ancestor. i got ur msg! way b4 u said it out! haha. wen qm asked u how u were, haha. i could see tt u wanted to talk to me.(haha. hope i wasn't thinkin too much!:P hahaha).. yep.. n honestly, i dun care whether we talk anot! i jus need to noe tt u wanted to!haha. n tt's enough! really!(:
haha. aiyo. talkin all over e place now! hahaha.
yep. i dunno. i saw e tears. haiz. wen ally's dad talked to ancestor. n mine kinda welled up too. bt it's still ok.. n wen i saw nini hug ancestor, wen i look at how innocent she is.. totally dunno why was there e need for e hug.. bt knew how impt tt was to ancestor.. wah.. it came again.. bt still ok. can still blink it away. haha. bt e amt ancestor jus walk over.. saw e tears.. n mine welled up too. haha. n no buffer to blink away liao. tt's e first.
n of coz e 2nd one was e hug! haha. didn't wan to miss it again like kaka's.. coz tt time didn't really wanna move forward.. partly coz i scared i cannot take it also.. n this time round e RV/iron 12 grp hugged ancestor first. far far away frm e boarding gate.. as in nt v far. haha. bt still got a bit of distance. n they finished. ancestor walked over to her childcare frens side. n i thot after tt she was gng to go over to family there n i knew after tt she would go in. haha. so scared i wun get e chance so i called out for her! haha. n tt's it! hahaha. totally can't stop!
i guess there's jus this something tt binds us tgt after all these years of being together ba! for kaka, norine n karen, i kept thinkin of how being in a different city, having to explore e place, alone, tt kind of feeling u guys would b feeling. n i kept thinking of how we will b losing contact.. n e tears flowed non-stop as a result.. bt for ancestor. i thot of nothing. bt e tears jus came out!
it wasn't a action-reaction thingy. coz i cried at e same time as ancestor. so it wasn't coz she was crying so hard tt i cried so hard too. n i totally didn't haf time to think bout her leaving. coz i was happily being entertained by emily n qimin - one knocked her head, one past sleeping time.. there weren't empty/silent moments like tt of kaka/norine/karen's where i was left in this - haiz. she's leaving kinda of situation.
i really dunno. n it's definitely not coz i was tired!
e tears jus came out coz of e word - bond.
yep. haha. dunno how to explain tt too.
haha. bt it's nt tt u guys aren't impt to me k! it's just tt i thot so much bout u guys' departure tt there wasn't time for this bond to come into place coz my thots alr filled its space! haha. it rhymes! bt nt tryin to joke or anythin. really!
yep yep. n becoz i kept thinkin bout how things will b e same - seein how well adapted u guys are. n how happily we're communicating over skype/whatsapp. i totally didn't think of wat ancestor would b feeling wen she enters e departure gate. coz she has ppl gng w her. coz she will haf georgina staying w her. so it really seems ok.. bt i guess i've really neglected e fact tt it's still a new venture..
yep. n this kinda only registered wen i was standing there seeing ancestor bid farewell to her family/jc frens.. yep. n how could i've thot of it as being so simple? i knew ancestor will take time to adapt there. bt i thot tt w her family members, e walk into e departure gates would b a lot easier. bt i guess it does not help much ba! as in it's still her who is walking into e gates for studies for 3/4 years, not for travelling/pei-ing another person...
yep. bt e good thing is ancestor said she's so busy w farewell n stuff tt she doesn't haf time to tink bout e departure. thank god!
yep.. still think tt it's cool! haha. how ancestor used to b e one by my side wen u guys took turns to leave. haha. as in she's e only one who will cry tgt w me. haha. coz we r both lousier at holdin back our tears! bt this time round it's OC who stayed w me! haha. i was so busy replying msg-es to e 3 of u tt my mind was kinda taken off e departure! bt of coz. no worries! u guys didn't bother me at all. in fact i was glad to be able to help pass msg-es.. help connect calls, help get phone numbers, help inform tt ancestor went in alr.. glad tt i could help! coz tt meant tt i'm impt!:P hehehe. ya la. v ego la i noe. haha. bt really lo. jus like ancestor's farewell party. was so happy tt i could help to gether ppl n stuff! haha. bleh!
ya. realised tt i can't do w.o starting a sentence w "yep" jus like i can't type w.o "haha". hahaha.
haha. yep. tt's it. brain is a bit dead. this time round obviously surviving better! bt i guess e emotions will still run thru me very very strongly again wen i see ancestor on skype, coz tt's wen i really can feel e departure.. coz today really didn't talk n somehow it doesn't sink in! (not ur fault k ancestor! i realised i didn't reach at 10 too! i dunno why kept thinkin u will reach at 1030!) haiz.. n nw a bit tired.. bt wen i walk along e shops in lot 1 nxt time, wen i wanna eat unagi sushi, wen i can't finish my psych essay, i will definitely tink of ancestor. e lot 1 de seriously! coz tt's jus like e place we always hang out at! omg! i thot everything settled down alr, bt there comes e tears! haiz.
n haha. i m jus a very heart-rules-head person. i can rationalise everything bt e tears will jus flow wen e time comes. i can find 10,000 reasons to cry bt e tears wun flow if i aren't sad. bt i m perfectly fine w it. hehe. i can control de. haha. actually maybe i can't. bt i've nv bothered to hold it back.. i noe. i noe ancestor will b talkin to me in like another 1 or 2 days wen she can access skype.. i noe in 1 week's time, we will be skyping, whatsapp-ing.. n everythin will b back to norm. n actually nth to b sad about.
haha. bt e tears jus come. n i also nv bother to hold them back. haha. as in coz i really dun see any need. haha. i noe this is retarded, i noe it's nothing, bt i still cry, bt sometimes, things really can't b controlled n not everythin can b rationalised, tt's why i made e comment tt i tink i m a heart-rules-head person... haha. n i m sayin this so tt u guys can tolerate this!:P hehehe. this bloggin, whining despite knowing things r fine!:P hehehe.
hmm. i guess wen i cry, i scare ppl out ba. so ppl will quickly come n comfort me! haha. bt i jus wanna say tt i will be fine de. i mean this kind of tears is jus sth like 为朋友而流 type = actually i can handle it de. i only can't handle it wen i m cryin coz of my own issues. hahaha. yep. haha. no offense to anyone. jus tt i wanna share w u guys so tt u guys noe how i feel nxt time shld u guys see me cry again! hehe.
bt still. thank goodness there's fann even after my entire OC is gone(except qimin of coz!). i really appreciate it alot alot! tt time wen karen flew off, she also was there for me to like jus hold on to. actually jus tt small act of walkin over n standin by me alr matters alot! tho i can handle it, bt it is really diff still wen u haf someone by ur side.. n she really ass eh. she go comment on my status n say "tho she can't replace jade..." siao. who asks her to replace jade! hahaha. really glad tt i've fann w me! thinkin bout how we become such close frens really is.... can't find e adjective. it's jus like we r ppl frm pretty diff worlds. n i've totally no recollection of hw we became close.. bt we jus are. we aren't e closet to each other, bt we both noe we r impt! hahaha.
yep. n this time round! i still last min! my mum saw me doing ancestor's stuff last nite n made e cute comment, "又在赶工了hor?" hahaha. bt actually(not tryin to justify) i realise i m super efficient at e last min! n it's still nice ok! hahaha. bt kaka says this time round e chip n dale look a bit perverse:( i thot i drew e nicest this time round lo!:( bt anw. i showed off again! this time round to leena! hahaha. coz she saw me holdin in hand e booklet n she asked me if i traced or drew! hahaha. ok stop! i tink i shld stop boosting my own ego! if nt i wun improve! stop stop stop! hahaha.
bt anw i wanted to say, tho i didn't learn my lesson n still last min, bt i learnt my lesson, i cherished ancestor n didn't wait till she left den cry, like norine's case; i went up to hug her n didn't wait till she went in den regret, like kaka's; n i went up to talk to her n said wat i wanted to say n cried wat shld haf been n didn't wait till she went past e gates then message her, like karen's!
yep! so i do learn my lesson! haha.
yep! tmr a brand new chapter awaits! haf to start studyin le. my SW2101's readings are super kua zhang, n the no of assignments i've to do for that mod is super overwhelmin, really startin to fear! tho tmr dun feel like doin anything. feel like sleeping. feel like just sitting at home to wait for ancestor to come on skype. dun feel like gng for lessons. dun feel like gng for tuition.. dun feel like doing anything.. bt cannot. i mus start this sem well.
yep! n i dun feel like ending this post. i feel tt i still haf so much to say. bt my brain is kinda dead now. rahh!
haha. n of coz this is wat i m ending off w!
ancestor!
omg! i guess u mus b sleeping on e plane now! i really dunno wat i shld b writing.. wat i shld b feeling.. it's like i only noe e tears will drop. bt i still dunno wat to write.. haha. bt i jus wanna say. i m really v touched! thanks for everythin u've done for me despite u being so busy n having to prepare for departure! thanks ancestor! for crying so hard jus nw! u noe.. of coz i noe u couldn't control it. bt tt's precisely e reason why it's priceless! it really beats watever conversation we could haf jus nw! thanks ancestor!thanks for sayin u'll skype me wen u reach there! omg! stay strong k! coz if u can make me strong, u can stay strong urself too de! bt of coz u dun haf to do it alone, u jus haf to noe tt u do haf the strength! coz u've e entire OC, ur other frens, ur family members n tingsoon to support u! yep! jus remember no matter wat, we're here! n recall ur promise at pizza hut way way way back k! coz i'll keep my part of e promise, u mus too! omg! i will miss u alot alot ancestor!! love u ancestor!
(:
n a song for u b4 i really end off(: i guess it's one of ur fav rite?
<当你孤单你会想起谁>
你的心情总在飞
什么事都要去追
想抓住一点安慰
你总是喜欢在人群中徘徊
你最害怕孤单的滋味
你的心那么脆,一碰就会碎
经不起一点风吹
你的身边总是要许多人陪
你最害怕每天的天黑
但是天总会黑,人总要离别
谁也不能永远陪谁
而孤单的滋味,谁都要面对
不只是你我会感觉到疲惫
当你孤单你会想起谁
你想不想找个人来陪
你的快乐伤悲 只有我能体会
让我再陪你走一回
kheng(:
14.01.11
4months exact! haha!
